Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence is vitally important to us and without them it's near enough impossible to produce any worthwhile result in any area of our lives. But due to much of the negative programming we had received through our childhood and through a good part of our adulthood, it seems that much of our potential is held back or restricted in many ways.
Self-Esteem also contributes to our relationships. You have often heard the saying that we cannot give what we don't have and as such the presence of poor self-esteem devalues the quality of our relationships. A person who suffers from poor self-esteem doesn't value themselves enough to be appreciated by others in return.
Self-Confidence goes hand in hand with Self-Esteem as your level of confidence is mostly determined by your level of assertiveness. And assertiveness is the feeling that you get when you are certain of how valuable you are as a human being in your mind's eye.
The good news about all this is that all behaviour and feelings are corollary to our thought patterns and thought patterns remain constant for the most part. We only tend to consult our deflated thought patterns when we are low on energy or we are faced with a difficult situation. It is true that once we trigger these thought patterns, they can command much of our behaviour for as much as the entire day, but it is also possible to prevent falling pray to this vicious cycle by wiping the slate clean of much of your old programming.
In the world of psychology there are many ways that you can use to take control of your thought patterns and subsequently your emotions. One such technique is widely known as pattern interrupting, where we short circuit a negative thought by changing our body language, our language, facial expression and immediately shifting our focus to a joyous memory from the past. Another way would be to repeat positive affirmations, which tend to trigger the anticipated positive thought pattern.
Both methods are great and are without a doubt two of the most effective self-esteem and self-confidence boosters that I have ever come across. But the third and the most effective technique that I have come across is one that is commonly referred to as the "Relaxation Response", which uses a thought cleansing process to put you back in control. Given a choice, would you rather replace one of your old behaviours with a new one, where the old pattern would no longer be so prominent but still existent, or would you rather get rid of your old pattern altogether? The relaxation response does precisely that and much more. But it must be warned that this is not an overnight process.
The practise involves placing your entire concentration on the breathing process itself. In fact the exercise of healthy breathing alone has tremendous health benefits that we take for granted and rarely harness. Deep breathing cultivates the mind, alleviates stress, improves concentration, ensures an adequate oxygen supply to the brain, keeps us healthy from various illnesses including heart related diseases and even possibly cancer. But above all else, it is a proved method to regain self-confidence and self-esteem.
You can begin by sitting down on a comfortable chair. I wouldn't really recommend those extra padded chairs since they tend to inhibit circulation rather than promote it. Try to keep your back straight and away from the back rest of the chair as some people tend to drift off to sleep otherwise. You can choose to close your eyes if you so wish. I personally find that this is much better in the long run and it helps to eliminate distractions more effectively. Take a few deep breathes and exhale as you are letting go of all your tensions, worries and negative thoughts. Feel your body being revitalized and invigorated as you breathe in and feel all your cares been swept away as you breathe out. Repeat this exercise for a few minutes. You should focus solely on your breathing and make sure that you are breathing in through your stomach, rather than your upper chest. Let your stomach inflate freely as a balloon would.
When you feel that you have achieved a sense of calm, you can start by placing a number after each inbreathe. You can just count 'one' after each inbreathe and repeat the same number throughout for each subsequent inbreathe. Feel the coolness of each inbreathe as the air enters through your nostrils and feel the warmth of your outbreath with every exhalation. Let this fascination be the focus of your entire session. And should you notice your mind wonder, very gently acknowledge the distraction and return to your state of bliss once more. Embrace the energy that flows within you and when done right and it will keep you in the highest of spirits throughout the entire day. You can start the relaxation response with a short 10-15 minute session at a time and later progress to 30-minute long sessions or more. In addition to the sense of calm and tranquility you feel, you'll also realize that your self-esteem levels have reached an all time high after the first few sessions of practise.
The process no doubt takes a bit of discipline to start off with, but once you do, you'll realize that you are more in control of your life, your happiness and your wellbeing in a way that you never thought possible.
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